Monday, 6 June 2011

Middle Child Syndrome

I find this topic interesting, well you may have guess the way, that's not the point yaa..What triggers me to jot down about this topis is because of what we encountered as per my previous entry here. That incidents makes me think a lot..and what I'm afraid most is for the fact that I might have neglected my first son without realising it. I believe that happened for a reason, and am thankful to Allah for giving me this early warning signal before it's too late.

Thanks Mr Google for the image..

And so I understand more about this syndrome. I found these fact on symptoms of middle child syndrome:

1. Lack Of Belonging
The middle child may not feel a sense of belonging to the family in the same way as other children. He/she struggles to be close to the family because of feeling ignored and ‘unwanted’. Sometimes, the middle child also feels sandwiched between the other siblings. It is important as a parent, to not let such feelings overcome their middle child. - As to date I have not seen any sign that my son feels left out. Or is it my ignorance?He was an easy to attend baby and even until afraid because of that I put less attention to him..I do hope it is still not too late and I got to do all I can to ensure he knows that I acknowledge his existence in the family
2. Low Self-Esteem
Since a middle child feels that he/she is basically unwanted, he/she may have a very low self-esteem. There is nothing worse than to feel not needed and it can badly affect even an adult. For a child, it has a serious bearing on his/her overall development. Such a child will continue to suffer from a lack of self-belief on growing up. A middle child’s confidence may be shaky due to the feeling of being overlooked upon, by his/her parents. - Ouch! This is not good..hmm....he's somehow a bit lack in confidence especially in public
3. Reclusion
It is, usually, seen that a child suffering from middle child syndrome is not too extrovert or social. There is a tendency among such children to become loners in life. They feel like an outsider in the family and therefore, become a recluse in other areas of life as well. Such a child believes in spending time with him/her self rather than others, because he/she feels uncared for. And so, he/she tries to create a world of his/her own and lean on his/her own self for support.- Ahaaa..he's very2 lack is social skill..this one is obvious. Most of the time, he will take much longer time to make friends with others. What worry me most is that he doesn't want to participate in sports and lining up during assembly at his kindergarden..The teachers told me that I got speak to him more often, and yup I know, got to psycho him so he understands that he must participate not matter what..
4.No Sense Of Direction
The children suffering from middle child syndrome also lack a sense of direction. There is certain disillusionment among them and they struggle to find the real direction of their life. They are not comfortable confiding in their parents, not even in their brothers or sisters. This is not to say that all middle children turn out to be failures in their life. Only those suffering from this syndrome have a tendency to lack any direction in life.  -Most of the time, he will look at his sister for reference in what ever he does. I guess this is normal if you are not the first child..I look at this as an advantage instead of otherwise..heheh. Well, hope if I treated him right, he will not depends so much on others to decide for his life later on..
5. Trust Issues
A middle child, on feeling ignored and un-loved, may have trust issues. As a child, we first learn to trust and completely rely on our parents, but a middle child fails to do that and consequentially, faces such issues. Such a child has difficulty in opening up and confiding in anyone. However, not every child suffering from middle child syndrome has a distrusting attitude. Sometimes, such a child is pining to trust and lean on someone. -  I hope he has not reach this stage..I hope I still have time to control this situation. I hate if he is not willing to share his thoughts with me..

I believe the key to this is:
1. To give him attention that he deserves, to listen to him, to spend quality time with him.
2. Understand that kids don't understand on financial reason for handing down clothes or any items to buy him new ones once in a while
3. Give him the toys or whatever items belongs to him if his sister or little bro snatch them from him..<I learnt this long time ago..from an old magazine..>

Thank god he's only 4, and I believe it is still not too late!

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